nish has finally left for florida. for a long time now i have always wondered how this day would be. all the best nish, have fun, live life to the fullest
the first thing i rember doing this morning was caling up the internet guy to do soemhting aout the phone call i gave him the day before yesterday. the response i got was immediate. i hang up the phone and the phone rings again. it was their marketing representative calling me to tell them me the same things i already heard the other day. the only information that was new to me was that one of their representative would be at my doorstep at around 11 in the morning. since we all follow the IST here in india i, knew immediately that this means the guy is going to be at my doorstep anytime after 11.45am. time went by. i did some study watched the reamining of the "Elizabeth" a movie by "shekar kapoor". a movie which put the indian filmakers in the limelight but that never got him the Oscar. I should mention that the costumes used in the movie were pretty amazing and the designer did win an Oscar for that. after the movie the phone rings at around 11.45, the voice on the other end tells me that the internet guy is currently lost and is standing in front of the kinetic honda workshop. so i was supposed to pick up this guy from there and bring him home. the meeting lasted for no longer than 15 minuutes. he took my money, and a few minutes of boredom, said a thank you and was on his way. that was quick. the cable internet should be up and working from wednesday in all probability. the went to GEO to courier some things to sheeja chechi. then fell asleep. woke up at around 5. got ready to go to the prayer meeting. when it was time to go to the convent we had an unexpected guest. it was the realy old nun from the nearby convent. she spoke of so many wonderful things. it was really amazing listenign to her. she spoke to life, forgiveness. then we finished off by reading psalm 139 . made me feel real nice after listening to her. then i wrote a mail to nisha bout what she told us. so that way didnt make to the church today but did get my share of spirituality for the day.
usualy our family prayers are the low key type. the funniest thing that ever happens is that da or ma falls asleep praying. and instead of words for god we can hear snores going up to heaven. this is easily rectified by a discreet poke or nudge by one of us kids. but sometimes we cant help ourselves from giggling. well its usually that after a long day at work. bith ma and da are really tired, so the first opportunity they get to sit still for sometime their body and mind automatically falls asleep. however what im going to write now has nothing to do with my folks sending audible discordant frequencies up to god. let me ge to the point. last night "the good news bible" from whic we usually read from went missing. actually preethy took it up to her room and never brought it down for the prayer. since i was lazy to go all the way up, i picked up a "kikng james " version of the bible. but the problem with this verison of the bibile is that its a really old copy . it was made during the time when the english speaking indviduals chose to address each other usiing "though, thee, ye," etc.... i was for some reason am really uncomfortable reading such language out. i beleive this langauge is good to be read only the shakespeare's play and now where else. so i decided to translate the texts written there into the modern english that we know off. i did my first line falteringly missing up the nouns , verbs and all other rules of english grammer. ma looks at me. she had this worried look her face . she thought my short sighted eyes had finally run out of steam and ive become blind or somehting. she wante de to sit under a direct light which i deeclined. i couldnt tell them what i was trying to do. so i concntrated completely on the task of translating the "king james " bible to "the good news bible". well half way throught he reading i had to stop, because of one word which was "suckling" i wondeered how do you translate that. is it "a baby who is breast feeding". and i had already had read out half the sentence when i encountered this word and so didnt know how to fit in the entire phrase without making another disaster with the grammar. but since i couldnt find any alternative i just coughed a bit and jumped to the next line. by now i couldnt stop myself from laughing. it was bulding up inside me and i knew if i read another line i would burst out laughing at my feeble attempt to modernise the bible. so i stopped reading abruptly. ma didnt say anything at that time. i think she was worried that something is wrong with my eyes. latter at dinner she asked me go get my eyes checked up. well who was going to tell her that i need to get my stupid head checked up. all this problems wouldnt have occured if i had read the bible as it was. i bet king james turned in his grave. hey and then today i got to watch hamlet. th play by shakespeare. however it wasnt the play i was watching, it was the movie with ethan hawke in the lead as hamlet himself. the dialouges were pure shakespearean. reminded me of my 11th and 12th english class with mrs tara. i rally loved the movie.
Our wills and faiths do so contrary run, That our devices stil are overthrown, Our thoughts are ours, Their ends none of our own. - shakespeare (from hamlet)
and to finish off with the video viewing for some time i got the WWE royal rumble videos of last year. good 2 hours of wrestling to watch out for.
its been five days since ive written anything here. so mumch has happened in these few days.ill just write in the maint hings that happened. i got sick, i am sick witha cold and also afever. one of the reasons why i didnt feel like writing in the journal. then watched four amazing movies. 1) the good, the bad and the ugly. 2) city of angels 3) twin falls idaho 4) the majestic. i really enjoyed all the four movies and im thirsting for a few more. but i guess i will have to wai.t got to do some study. wasnt able to concentrate much in this during this period. spoke to nish almost everyday. ma made cake yesterday. i finished one whole cake yeasterday and im half way through the other. whenever i go downstairs i take abite of the cake. and for some odd reason it seems to be getting over faster than i can imagine. i think there is more than one person digging into the cake. been on a creative streak too for the past 2 weeks. wrote a verse, made a wallpaper, then redesigned the tatoo for nish. i didnt make anything new. just collected material from the web. recycled them into new products. yesterday i was uspposed to go for an intervioew but iot got cancelled int he last minute. i feel relieved that i didnt go all the way there and then find out the situation. one phone call and it saved me a lot of trouble and also my time. im reading Illusions by richard bach.just started it now. hmm uncle asked me to send the my resume to some german frriend of his. he is trying to get me an aprrentice job in some compnay in germany. im just keeping my options open. who knows where i will land up up.
nish did turn up at around 7 in t evening. we spoke for sometime but it was good. a few minutes of togtherness. she had problems with the internet so had to log on using a number which seemed to have the same area code but could possibly not be a local call. so our conversation was limited to "little more time" than what we expected. we spoke abit thought. what was thought of to be a talk for a few minutes turned into a 25 minunte conversation using the keyboard. it was raining outside so i didnt feel like getting back home from the internet center. i sat there for the rain to stop and so i dedcided to walk through it. usually we at bangalore dont experience teh kind of rain we have been having these past two days. when it rains it does so for a few minuntes adn then completely stops. the last four days we have been getting rains which seems to stop only for the sun. what i mean to say is that it rains only at night after the sunsets. during the day it mostly spends time by giving us an overcast weather. usually when it rains the people run for shelter. and as soon as the rain abates man resumes his normal mundane tasks. but now since the rain doesnt abate, the poeple around here reseume their normal tasks like shopping, socializing, wasting time.etc.. irrespective of the fact that they will be dripping wet. so by the time i got home i too was drippping wet. i walk into the room adn the stale perfume i mentioned about hits me square on my nose like a hammer. i somehow manage to keep out the toxic fumes from my over sensitive nostrils. nish gaveme an ideea of using coffee to drive out the smell. ill try that out. the only problem would be that no one would drink the coffee i make, not even myself. sometimes i wonder as to why people wear perfumes. guys wear it to imprees a woman and also vice versa. of course there are some genuine cases of killng the bad body odour, but most of the time the kids wear it to impress the opposite sex. ok now time for bed. goodnight.
for some weird reason i dont feel so good today. i woke up in the morning after a really really long dream that never seemed to end. so i assumed that it was reality adn continue dreaming. i dont remember anything more than what im going to write now. im lving the life of a bum. surprisingly all my friends too were living with me like bums. i had a small box as a home in the railway station. all ym friends too were in the same condition as i was. luckily when i woke up in the mornign i had work to do. i was supposed to take my cousin who is 3 times removed in the genelogical tree to an exam. luckily i had an uncle to accompnay me else i would have gone mad waiting for her to come out of the exam. after the exam my first question to her was "What were you doing inside so long?". but luckily, i was loud enough for only my conscience hence she never heard the question. but the thing of interest was the venue of the exam. it was ina hospital which mainly takes care of pregnant women and also new born babies. i got to watch a large number of women of various different sizes which i thought was impossible. i mean no disrespect but since since was teh first time ive seen so many different ladies i was just amazed by the sight. some of the women seemed to be struggling by the weight they were carrying. i kind of felt sorry for them. but i guess they dont need anybody to be sorry for them. they know its worth the struggle of carrying their soon to be bundle of joy within themselves. saw a whole lot of doctors both young and old. reminded me of my "doctor" ;) {{i know who im talking about}} . went to swapnas place and watched a malayalam movie. it was sad to the point of crying in boredom rather than the actualy emotion. watched it till it was 4pm then headed for home. i went into the room and the first thing that hits me hard is the perfume thats been left behind in the atmosphere by the paying guests. well the perfume stinks worse than ever. and it seems to be geting worse with every breath i take, but to make matters worse its my room and i dont have anywhere else to go. im sure im going to get a headache by the time i get the smell out of my head. had some noodles that ma made. it seemed to taste better today. ma added something new into it. it was a bit spicy too. i think she added black pepper. how much weirder can cooking get. anyway finished all that and headed to the nearest internet center. got this computer and typing away. so now i have nothing to do other than wait and surf around the internet. nish said she would come online . i wonder if she can make it.
Ive been given 3 options to choose from tonight. the first one is to sleep and forget about today. but then that is what i would prefer to call an enventuality. the other one is to watch "horse whisperer" again. i mention the word "again" because i watched the movie last week again. i think my ablilty to forget things almost instantly gives me this great gift of being able to watch a movie a zillion times, but still not know the story as soon as i see the cast list. The third and the last one i can do read "illusion" by richard bach. ive been putting of this eventuality for almost a week now. somehting always came up and i hate being interrupted between readings. but guess what i decided i wont be putting into action any of the above mentioned options. instead im now typing my entry for the journal. sometimes i wonder why people write these journals, including myself. why is it i want to write down things i might have geenrally forgotten within the blink of the eye. i think thtas one of those eternal questions that will always bug mankind for the rest fo humanity. do you suppose dinosaurs kept journals. are the fossils of the dinosaurs actually a journal. was it gods journal or was it done by some dino who greatly appreciated the dead dino for some kind act the dead one did when they went to school togther. why is it that they got extinct before man came to earth. now looking at the death of the dino and then assuming that man also goes extinct sometime in the distant furture shouldnt a better species be born on this earth. i wonder whther they would find a hard disk and find all our entries in it. then one of them may just get a PHD and talk about how we might have used our bare hands to actually leave behind a memoir of what happend for them. im assuming that by that time the new species, lets call them homoclaumons, would not require their hadns to do anything. its only the thought that will matter. they would have bigger brains than us. better technologies. and also better pillows to sleep on. well they got to rest their big head somewhere. hmm the most important thing that could ever have happened today would have been, me getting a job. but due to some silver lining for someone else i get to see the balck cloud. i guess its not my turn for the silver lining. i wonder how much longer sould i wait for it. got to meet a few people there. every guy i met there was from cheannai. well is it gods way of saying "CALL UP ARAVIND". you may never know. god finds the strangest people to play prophet. no offence meant here, either to god or even his prophets. they have the task of looking after his sheep. maybe we should help him by writing a software to manage the vast amount of data. and if i was asked by god to make an OS for him i would probably call it "GODKNOWS 7.77". and let us make it open source. i think that i must opt for the first option. im feeling so sleepy that im beggining to image althis to be a dream. atleast they seem to be. everythign seems to be swimming around along with my eyes.
its been raining since the time i finished chatting with nish this evening. but i did manage to get a print out of my resume. i think im ready for the test. ive been studying for it for the past 3 days. this afternoon i realized that studying even one page more than what ive already done would be sabotaging my brains attempt to remeber what it already remembers. well so since afternoon ive been laofing around. i loaded all the photos of nish's visit in the photobucket album. then sent mails to nandini and shwetha informing them about the album. came back home watched ice age again. then finally went online. met nish there. i mean online. now for few years more im not going to actually meet her. we chatted for almost to hours. then she had to go. she told me about her knee. well atleast she went to the doctor now and learnt about it. she can take care of it now and not over strain it. sav was supposed to come and we were supposed to do study togther. he didnt turn up. but he sent a mail tellingme was sorry. he sent the mail from his friends place. came back home got my stuff ready for tomorrow. then made a new gif image for myself. i wonder if it would work in the LJ. let me check it out.
A dream for a day, drifting with the wind, Emoting pain with tears of love. Close my eyes with thoughts, And open them into emptiness. Walk alone, walk slow, The steps to the temple, Disappear into the night tomorrow. Hear the whisper, turn back to a void, A light ahead, blinding the scream. Raise my eyes, to the rain, Hide my lies, and the sighs. Take my path, dry and long, Sun to lead, to another day.
Just finshed writing the above verse. spoek to nish today after sucha long time. i think im going to drop the DBMS and concentrate on other subjects. DBMS is going right over my head. savio was supposed to come home and we were supposed to study. he didnt turn up. fell asleep inthe afternoon. lost 1.5 hours of study because of that. but its cool. im sleepy now. but i cant give up so fast.can i ?
its going to be 1 am in few minuntes from now. its raining outside my window and i got test this saturday for which im supposed to be studying. i just write this journal to say im busy and ambitious at the moment so no amount of sleep is going to puch me into bed. goodnight. zzzzzzz!!!!
the morning ws really bad. woke up feeling a hole inside me. the day wasnt going to be the same. the day from today onwards was going to be the same way it was before nish came. but then its not exactly the same, this is the solace i have. i feel better now. i knew i wont be able to study. so called up sav early to tell him to postpone the study hour. i went to the university to sheeja chechi's work done. it was 3.30 by the time i came back home. wasnt in a mood to study. so cancelled the todays hour completely. went to the net. spent time there. then went to bibin's place. came back home at 8. changed teh photos to the required size. im thinking of creating website only with the photos. there are quite a few. that way we can access them whenever we want to. im feel ok now. will wake up tomorrow to see how life is going to be.
this happened when i was really small. if i felt sad for some reason. then what happened was that a lump started to form in my throat. it would grow bigger and bigger the more sadder i got and it would make talking or breathing difficult. at that time i assumed that i would die due to the suffocation caused by the lump. so to prevent myself from dying i invented a technique to avoid the ball from growing bigger. i just smiled which slowly turned into laughter in most cases. well maybe thats the reason why i kept smiling all the time while i was talking to nish today for the last time. nish is leaving today at around midnight. that would officially inaugrate our relationship at the newer level that we have reached. its going to be an exciting but tough journey from now on. nish and asha came home at around 7.15pm today. stayed for a while. told ma and preethy bye. oh by the way today was the Walkin interview at the ORACLE. well it was a rampage down there but we (sav, bibin, jubun and me) managed to get into the company and finish the test by 10.40am uh im really tired today. cant write anything. im yawning like a maniac. nish gave me her rubberband so that i can snap them as and when i like. :) and oh i got permission for the cable net. i think i will have to go to the unversity tomorrow. from tomorrow onwards its going to silencec again except for the silent clacking of the keyboard keys. if smiles made noise there would be a clamour that could possibly bring down the walls of jericho. goodnight
the deepest wishes always come true if you are patient enough. a large dose of faith also helps in making what seems to be an impossible thing into the possible. just two days back i was thinking that i would never be able to walk through ring road with nish. but today that wish became possible just because of pratap being able to bring his dad's car out for lunch. the chances of pratap coming for todays lunch at tamarind was really slim. he was late by almost 2 hours. we had almost finished our lunch. then while leaving he asks nish and me to jump in. wasnt that a surprise to both of us. but we finally we got to walk through ring road even though it was only for a brief period of time. would you call thata miracle or just a freak coincidence. whatever it is , it felt good walking with nish for one more time before she left to medical school. i was thinking of the last time we did the same kind of walk. things are a whle lot different from last time. the last time i didnt have hope, but this time i have faith in our relationship. i ask again was it time that brought us together or was it the time we made for each other that brought us close. i had a really wonderful time this june. oh i forgot to write about the lunch. we were ten of us nish, savio, avinash, nandan, shwetha,sharon abraham, kutti sharon, nisha (sharon A's baby sister) reena. pratap popped in late. as usual everyone was late exceept for reena, nish and me. i know im boasting about that. we had fun just sitting there and talking. we took a few pictures. i liked the picture on the bridge with nish. reminded us about "A Bridge Across Forever". :) nish you are leaving tomorrow. im really happy for us. afterall we didnt turn out to be two strangers meeting each other and then going our own ways. the way we connected was really beautiful and amazing. thank you for everything nish. thank you for being us. you did play a major role in this togetherness that we share. should i say 50%. well i put in 50% too.just kidding. no comparisons. the nuumbers dont matter its the feeling that counts.i love you nish.
a visit to Ganagaram's book store gave me all the information i never expected. i was with nish. i picked two books for her. she thought i was buying it for myself. then she tells me that she had bought the exact same books for me. well was that a coincidence or was it another frreak thing that nature does to make us gawk at it in awe. well i dont know what to think of the incident. the books i bought were "illusion" and "jonathan livingstone seagull" both by richard bach. i bought asha a book by khalil gibran called "the prophet". in a few hours from now nish leave me and go, though the parting will be only of flesh but not of spirit. in a few days we would be doing what we did these five years, virtually building our relationhsip. the only difference would be that we would know now what it was to be with each other which i must say is an infinite times more fulfilling than a mere chat with the help of the electric pulses. i dont want to wish for time to stop as it would mean stopping life too. this is because life never stops for anything, even time. life like any other form of energy will always continue for eternity taking different forms to grow in wisdom. nish im really sad your going but im not sorry that you are going. its only if you go tomorrow that we can meet later. the time spent together will always remain with me reminding me of the better times to come. soon i will be checking out the international clock to wonder what you will be doing at that time. Sometimes i wondedr why is it that during moments like these the music i am listening to seems so apt for the situation. even if it isnt i who put on the music. its like some freak force in nature knows what im feeling and then selects the music that helps soothe your mind. i bought nish the YANNI CD. i always wanted to give her some songs of yanni. i hope she likes them. ok so what was the funny thing that happened today. i can only think of is the differencecs in pronunciations between the indian and americans. we pronounce flower as "FLAR" whereas nsih pronounceces it as "FLAA-VER". well there are other funny words pronunciations too like shower, tower, twenty etc. we had a good laugh telling things to each other. oh the other funny thing was the sharing water with each other, though everytime the water seemed to boil because of the heat generated. did we miss the wine? i cant say. ive never experienced it.
